you can't always go your own way

You know what I love about life?  It doesn't always go my way.  What!?  Am I crazy!?  Well, duh...but my insanity has little to do with this sweet nugget.  For most of my life, I have lived with one end purpose...to be in control.  I think about that now, and I just laugh.  The more in control I have tried to be, the more God has shown me that I simply do not have any control.  He is the grand designer.  He alone works all things together for our good...for my good.

Take relationships, for example.  They have been difficult for me for as long as I can remember.  I have issues with friendships, in particular.  Having long, lasting friendships has never ceased to be a desire of my heart, however, I have not always known how to be a friend.  I tried to force relationships to work that I thought were worthwhile.  Mostly, I just wanted to fit in somewhere.  I chased friends and even former in-laws, trying to make them like me...they were going to like me, darn it!  But I did all this at a great expense.  While I have truly loved many of the ladies whose lives I have flitted in and out of (including my former in-laws), I was willing to sin to keep them as my friends.  As long as I could keep my warts concealed, I was okay.  But we all know how that plays out, right?  Deceit always bites you in the hiney...eventually.  Even after I was no longer willing to sin to gain and keep friendships, I still sought relationships that were toxic.  I prayed for them even.  I asked God to kindle or rekindle friendships with specific ladies.  When the prayers remained unanswered, I tried to force it anyway.  Then, a few years ago, a sweet friend named Christy came into my life.  We were in a Bible study together, and I would frequently tell her about my friendship dilemmas.  Her written words still ring in my heart today..."Not all women in your life are meant to be your friends.  The Lord will bring them into your life for three purposes...so that you can be a witness, to fill a need (whether it be yours or hers), or to have a relationship.  The first two will remain for only a season, and that is the Lord's will.  The last will remain.  You will come to know the difference."  Once the Bible study was finished, Christy and I went our separate ways.  It was then that I started to learn what she meant.  At first, I would call her to try to get together.  But the time together never seemed blessed.  Christy had been there to offer me wise counsel during a time when I needed to stop seeking relationships that I hadn't seen as toxic until then.  I still see her at church from time to time.  We exchange waves, nods, or hugs.  Since then, many wise and wonderful women have become a part of my life.  Some, I already know will only be in it for a season.  Others, I know are here for the duration.  I am humbled in knowing that because I have chosen to let Him be the captain of my life's vessel that He does it all for my good.  As a result of my obedience, I am a part of many deep, beautiful friendships...the desire of my heart all along.

Today, there are still one or two broken relationships that I would love to see mended.  I still pray for those.  I accept that it is not and may never be His will for me.  So freeing to live that way.

Thank you, Lord, for the relationships you have blessed me with, no matter the duration or the purpose!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:11-13