love

I love morning at my house.

Most people think I am nuts because I have chosen to have such a large family, but mornings around here are just one of the reasons I love it so much.  One by one, my sleepyheads roll out of bed each day.  The first thing each of them does? ...find me to snuggle.  There are few things more precious.  They don't get breakfast or start playing with their toys...they want ME.  Even my oldest, who would die if he knew I was saying this in public, will hang all over me until he is fully awake.  Then the day begins, and they all get busy...but I can carry that love with me all day long!

My family rocks!

you can't always go your own way

You know what I love about life?  It doesn't always go my way.  What!?  Am I crazy!?  Well, duh...but my insanity has little to do with this sweet nugget.  For most of my life, I have lived with one end purpose...to be in control.  I think about that now, and I just laugh.  The more in control I have tried to be, the more God has shown me that I simply do not have any control.  He is the grand designer.  He alone works all things together for our good...for my good.

Take relationships, for example.  They have been difficult for me for as long as I can remember.  I have issues with friendships, in particular.  Having long, lasting friendships has never ceased to be a desire of my heart, however, I have not always known how to be a friend.  I tried to force relationships to work that I thought were worthwhile.  Mostly, I just wanted to fit in somewhere.  I chased friends and even former in-laws, trying to make them like me...they were going to like me, darn it!  But I did all this at a great expense.  While I have truly loved many of the ladies whose lives I have flitted in and out of (including my former in-laws), I was willing to sin to keep them as my friends.  As long as I could keep my warts concealed, I was okay.  But we all know how that plays out, right?  Deceit always bites you in the hiney...eventually.  Even after I was no longer willing to sin to gain and keep friendships, I still sought relationships that were toxic.  I prayed for them even.  I asked God to kindle or rekindle friendships with specific ladies.  When the prayers remained unanswered, I tried to force it anyway.  Then, a few years ago, a sweet friend named Christy came into my life.  We were in a Bible study together, and I would frequently tell her about my friendship dilemmas.  Her written words still ring in my heart today..."Not all women in your life are meant to be your friends.  The Lord will bring them into your life for three purposes...so that you can be a witness, to fill a need (whether it be yours or hers), or to have a relationship.  The first two will remain for only a season, and that is the Lord's will.  The last will remain.  You will come to know the difference."  Once the Bible study was finished, Christy and I went our separate ways.  It was then that I started to learn what she meant.  At first, I would call her to try to get together.  But the time together never seemed blessed.  Christy had been there to offer me wise counsel during a time when I needed to stop seeking relationships that I hadn't seen as toxic until then.  I still see her at church from time to time.  We exchange waves, nods, or hugs.  Since then, many wise and wonderful women have become a part of my life.  Some, I already know will only be in it for a season.  Others, I know are here for the duration.  I am humbled in knowing that because I have chosen to let Him be the captain of my life's vessel that He does it all for my good.  As a result of my obedience, I am a part of many deep, beautiful friendships...the desire of my heart all along.

Today, there are still one or two broken relationships that I would love to see mended.  I still pray for those.  I accept that it is not and may never be His will for me.  So freeing to live that way.

Thank you, Lord, for the relationships you have blessed me with, no matter the duration or the purpose!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:11-13

by popular demand

The picture has been updated!  There are all six of my little people!  From left to right, Bri, Cameron, Carleigh, Bayleigh, Bella, and Caleb.  Each one of these kiddos are such sweet blessings...God is so good!

when I grow up...

Last month, I finished my fourth semester since I returned to school as an adult.  I can't believe it has been that long.  I can't believe that's how long I have left!  Some days, there seems to be no end in sight.  But I will continue to push through to the goal...the completion of nursing school.

I haven't always wanted to be a nurse.  I started out wanting to be an elementary school teacher.  I started college right out of high school feeling confident in my chosen course of study.  But gone were the days when good grades came easy to me.  Work, friends, boys, and everything else were priority over studying.  I got mediocre to bad grades in most of my classes.  Needing a fresh start, I transferred from the small private school where I began to a big university.  Instead of a fresh start, I was distracted by the city that surrounded me.  My grades did not improve, and I barely kept myself afloat during that time.  There was a lot going on in the background that contributed to my floundering, but you get the gist.  I was failing.  After my fourth year of college, I got married, returned to school for one more semester, and then moved away.  9 semesters of college and nothing to show for it.  See a pattern here?  I was running from my failures, but that's a whole different therapy session!  ;)

Much has happened since those first four years of college...the birth of my first three little people, divorce from their father, remarriage to an amazing man, the birth of my last three little people...throw in a couple of administrative jobs and dabbling in my photography hobby, and you have a very full 10 years before I decided to try to school adventure again.

I was quite hesitant at first.  After all, my record was full of scars that would be very difficult to remove and I was very quick to give up on something when a good excuse came along.  All summer, I prayed and stewed and prayed and stewed.  Two weeks before classes were to begin, I made the decision...well, me along with the gentle nudging of my sweet husband!  It was disturbing to hear that most of my previous credits would not transfer directly in and that I would begin my second round of college with nearly 100 hours of electives.  But, here I am four semesters later and a 3.5 GPA!  I have elected to take the summer off to spend with my family (at their request) and resume later with a light load this fall.  In the spring, I will be full swing into my nursing classes.  For me, that means no turning back.  I am anxious, nervous, excited, fearful even.  But I can and will do it.  The Lord has had His hand all over this.  When I have felt like giving up, He has been there to push me through.  He has given my husband, my family, and my friends the words to say to encourage me.

Thank you, Lord, for pushing me to be my best and for giving me a spirit of commitment.  May I no longer be an example of quitting, but of persevering.

the sad truth?

Wait for this revelation.....


I am not perfect.

Whoa.  Are you as shocked as me?  {insert sarcasm here}

I have made many, many, many, many mistakes. Some are huge. Some are miniscule. Then there is everything in between. I have done things, said things, thought things that would make one's skin crawl. For many years, I have been the first one in line casting rocks at myself for the mistakes I have made...mistakes that I will someday have to explain to my precious, innocent children.  I expect that they will be confused and even disappointed.  I actuallly spend very little time anticipating how they are going to react, although this has been a burden I have carried before.  It wasn't until I took advice from a wise woman who speaks truth and life into my journey through motherhood that I began looking at the situation differently.  It does not matter what my children, or anyone else who is self-righteous enough to condemn me, think of me.  I was put on this earth to be the mother of the six children I was blessed with.  And yes, (hang on to your panties ladies) I said BLESSED.  Having these six beautiful souls in my life is a blessing of epic proportion.  And...God chose ME to be their mother...warts and all.  This was quite a sobering reality for me.  I had so much energy pent up in what my children would think of me once they knew "the truth".  But it was all wasted time?  What?  When it comes right down to it, the opinion of my children, my  husband, my friends, my family, my "enemies"...they do not matter in the end.  It is not my good or bad deeds that will determine my fate in the hereafter.  It is my heart and whether or not it is repentant.  It is my relationship with the Lord.  I rest in knowing that I believe in a big God.  A God who has covered my sins with the blood of His only Son.  A God who knows my heart.  A God who finds me worthy, even when others do not.

I am not perfect.  Praise Jesus, I am not perfect.  For if I was, why would I need Him?

I love the Lord.  I love my dear sweet husband.  I love ALL SIX of my wonderful little people.  Unconditionally.  Unapologetically.  Period.

the art of discipline

WARNING:  This is a long, possibly scatter-brained post.  But worth the read.

I just finished reading the book Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman.  I bought it months ago on a bargain rack at Sam's.  From there, it sat on my desk and/or nightstand...begging to be read...but anyone who knows anything about mi vida loca knows that I do not have time for reading, no matter how practical it might be.  Eventually, the book made its way to the bookcase, where I would forget about it until late last week.  I remember someone somewhere mentioning it was a worthwhile read.  I remember thinking I have that book.  I think I even started reading it once.  What happened to it?  I wasn't inspired to go home and begin reading it.  I was knee deep in my four college classes at the time, and just couldn't push myself to read one more thing.  So, back to the moment it caught my eye.  I was sitting at the dining room table playing a card game with my two sons, who were bickering about who was cheating and who wasn't.  I must have zoned out because I was concentrating on the book titles on the shelf across the room.  That one stuck out because of what was happening at the table.  The lack of respect my boys had for one another was killing me.  Then I began thinking of all the other issues that we have been having lately...tantrum throwing, defiance, disprespect, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I'm sure this list is familiar to most moms.  The plain and ugly truth is that as great as my kids are, somewhere along the way, we had lost control.  The inmates had begun to run the asylum.  We had to do something, and fast!  Now, before I go any further, I want you all to know that I wasn't looking for a quick fix.  I was simply floundering and needed some sound advice.  I briefly mentioned it to Chris.  Hey honey, remember that book we picked up at Sam's last summer?  The one I promised I would read if we got it and never did?  Well, I'm reading it now.  He said something like, Good, but I can't remember exactly what word he used.  I was skeptical when I began reading...honestly, how on earth could you have a new kid in only five measly days?  Still, I decided to continue reading simply because it's summer...and I CAN!  Yeah!  As I read through the days, I began to put into practice some of the principles I was reading as a test to see if they really work.  I started with changing my own attitude. The nerve that man Leman has to say that you can't expect your own child's attitude to change if you don't have your own under control!  Who does he think he is, an expert or something!? Sheesh.  Well, I admit...I was wrong.  The mere change in my attitude was a miracle worker.  But I knew I had to complete the mission if I was to squash the uprising that had begun against me.  So yesterday, I finished the book...and here's the kicker...SO HAD CHRIS!  He had downloaded the audio version while he had been away on his trip this week and finished it yesterday as well!  God is so funny.  So today, we knew without saying that we were going to fling our new selves onto the kids.  And that, we did.  I think it's safe to say that they have spent the better part of the day in stun mode because I haven't seen the look of disbelief leave their faces yet.  It's 9:00 on a Saturday night in the summer, and ALL my children are in bed.  I haven't raised my voice once, gotten stressed out, cursed, or flashed an attitude at the kids.  Our day went a little something like this...

We all slept later than usual...about 8:30am.  I just knew it was going to be a great day!  We had a casual morning with the kids and by 1:45, we were packed up to head to the pool.  Well, the five older kids and myself were heading to the pool anyway.  We were the only swimmers there the entire time, and the first 30 minutes or so was great.  Then the uglies started.  I'll just call them that...stay with me.  Bickering, splashing in the face, dunking, depantsing (I kid you not), taking toys, disobeying, disprespecting.  Dear Lord, why are you throwing ALL the tests at me at once?  I kept my cool.  But by 3, I had had enough and began to pack up, giving the kids warning as I did so...5 more minutes...2 more minutes.  It's time to go now.  Not ONE of those five kids obeyed.  Don't panic, I thought.  You can do this.  Pick them off one by one.  Resistance and deliberate disobedience ensued, however, I had them all in the car 15 minutes later.  Yes, 15 minutes later.  I know...by this point, I was thinking I pretty much sucked at this.  I drove them home in silence, but somehow they knew.  They knew that something was different.  We got home and began readying ourselves for church.  I did not leave my bathroom until it was nearly time to leave the house.  But one by one, each child came to ask me for something.  One by one, I told them no, and then turned away and continued to put my makeup on or do my hair.  Each one pursued me, asking why.  Remember the disprespect you showed me at the pool a while ago?  That is why you can not play on the computer/watch Nick Jr/go outside to play with the neighbor/have a treat.  Again, I turned to finish getting ready for church.  I feel guilty for saying this, but each time, I giggled when they would walk away with a look of confusion on their faces.

So, that brings me to the 9:00 bedtime.  Bri and Bayleigh always go to bed by 8...earlier if we can make it happen, but since we went to church and had dinner afterward, it was harder.  Carleigh and Bella's bedtime is 8-8:30 except when we are doing something special.  Cameron and Caleb's typical bedtime is 9:00, but we are lax with it during the summer unless we have to get up early for something.  Tonight, after church, the boys were disrespectful again.  They were shocked when we told them they had to observe their usual bedtime.  Shocked even more when I enforced it.

Today was tough.  The behavior and attitudes were exceptionally bad (except for mine, of course!)  But I have never felt so good about being a mom.  And I have never heard so many I love you's from my children as I have heard today!

Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

the enemy

I have now had many days to mull over being led to pray for enemies.  In the days since I first posted about it, much has happened.  Some good.  Some "bad", although I don't feel anything used for God's glory can be called bad...so let's just say less than desirable.  I can say that because I at times choose to stand in opposition of the Lord...I find His will to be....well...less than desirable.  If each of us is honest, we would admit we have all felt this way at one time or another.  But back to the enemy thing...  For a while, I felt guilty for posting about my battle with enemies, but only because there were a couple of souls who felt I was referring to them in particular.  I wasn't.  Initially, I was referring to spiritual enemies...something a little more abstract, even though at times, they do have names and faces.  It just so happens that shortly after that, I had to fight a spiritual battle.  My enemy, even then, wasn't the person with whom I had conflict, but Satan.  After all, he is the one sent to steal, kill, and destroy...not the flesh and blood used as his vessel.  He was whispering to me that I am not and will never be good enough to walk in the forgiveness for which the Lord sacrificed his only son.  Everyone but you, I could hear him saying.  Everyone but you is worthy.  Wouldn't it be sweet retribution for the great adversary of humanity if I were to actually believe such rubbish?  Praise the Lord that I did not listen to those lies for long.  It was only when I remembered who I truly am in Christ that I was able to gain perspective and focus for this particular part of my prayer life.  I commit to continual prayer over the enemy...whomever it may be.