all or nothing

As many of you know, I am a mother of five children. There are many roles associated with being a mom, so I have plenty to keep my life full. However, this fall, I threw the role of full time student into the mix. Talk about a change!

Many people ask me, upon hearing that I have so many children (it's really not that much to me), ask me how I get everything done. The answer....I don't. I can't. At least not without losing every bit of sanity I have. Pushing myself to do so is not only bad for me...but for the health of my little people. I once tried to be the perfect housekeeper, cook, gardener, decorator, organizer, etc. Gradually, as we added to our family, however, I found I couldn't get it all done without sacrificing the two most important roles God has ever laid before me...as a wife and mother. So, I don't get it all done. I choose to not get it all done because at the end of the day, if the dishes are still in the sink and the laundry isn't all washed and folded, it isn't really going to matter. More importantly, God is not going to be disappointed in me.

The other day, Cameron and I were chatting with a neighbor. It was the day I finished up with finals. Chris had been out of town all week, and I had gotten very little done at home. My kids were fed and played with, but my house was an absolute disaster. I had been studying every chance I could. I was explaining all this to my neighbor. When I turned to Cam and asked him to confirm how big a wreck our house was, he looked at me as if I was talking gibberish. He did not even remember that our house was messy...only that I had spent time with him. That's the legacy I want to leave. I do not want to be remembered for how great a housekeeper I was. I want to be remembered by my children by how much I loved them and took time for them. That I was kingdom-minded, even when I was busy.

a handmade christmas

Alright, so I've neglected you. It's been weeks. Months maybe? I have been busy, to say the least. School has me on my toes constantly, and I have very little desire to sit down at the computer for fun anymore. BUT...only TWO MORE WEEKS, and I have a well-deserved break! YAY ME! Perhaps that means I'll be back at my blogging?? We shall see.

For now, I am excited to show you what ELSE I have been up to! A couple of years ago, Chris and I started incorporating handmade gifts into our giving at Christmas. It started with handmade ornaments for grandparents and last year spread into necklaces, blankets, wall-hangings and of course, more ornaments. This year, our goal is to go ALL handmade! Here are a few of the wonderful projects I have been working on! I LOVE doing this! I could SO do this for a living!

These are prints I am making for my boys' bedroom makeover. Not really a Christmas present, but they have turned out so great, I had to share them! The pics don't do them justice...they are AWESOME! There are 5 in the series, and they are about 11"x17" each.

This is one of a set of coasters with different scriptures on them.

I love them so much, I may have to keep them for myself! HA!

Family name wall letter

Barrettes for my girlies!

I am currently working on a couple of pottery pieces, skirts, necklaces and applique shirts! Would love to hear what projects anyone else has working! What about family traditions? Got some good ones? Creating some new ones?

a bad haircut

Have you ever had one of your kids cut their own hair?

When I was in college, I had a sweet friend who helped me fix my car in a snowstorm! It was one of the most frigid days I can remember, so it was a really big deal. I worked at our local rec center, and always closed up the place at the end of the day...alone...so there was no one around. She happened to be at the post office across the street. Anyway, this is about haircuts. After helping me, I promised to babysit her three kids anytime she wants. A few weeks later, she asks me if I will sit for a weekend. Of course, I said yes, and I was super excited I was finally going to get to repay her! So the weekend comes, and I make good on my promise. The whole weekend was so fun...the kids were really great! About 30 minutes before my friend and her husband were due to come home, I had the kids all cleaned up and the house spotless. Cole, the youngest...about 4 at the time...is super quiet, so I go searching all over the house for him. I finally found him hiding under the dining table, scissors in hand. He had just given himself one serious haircut! (He had the cutest bowl cut...let's just say it was a TON of hair). I was flipping OUT! Mom and dad come home, I explain, Cole gets a buzz cut THAT DAY! He loved it...mom, not so much.

I hear a lot of horror stories (and have seen the aftermath) of other people's kids giving themselves haircuts...but none of my own children had ever given themselves a cut. Until today. Carleigh cut her hair above her ears! At first, I didn't notice it...but I found hair all over my bathroom floor and in the trashcan (she had tried to clean it up!) I was going to just give her a bob, but she protested. She has an appointment on Monday...and if the powers that be say it needs to come off....off it shall come!

GO POKES!

I think Carleigh's picture brought us some good luck this week! Our cowboys won against #2 Missouri!!! WOOHOO!!! It was a great night of watching football at our house! Can't wait to cheer on our team in person next weekend! For those who don't know, we are OSU fans. We even named one of our weims Pistol Pete (Pete for short). One of the mascot Pistol Petes (I believe there are two) is the son of Cameron's third grade teacher. That's right folks, Pete's not real. I know that some of you will be devastated at learning this, so it's okay if you need to take a moment to shed a tear.

This is Pete in a shot I took last year. GO POKES!

the rambling cowpoke

That's my husband, and he is new to the world of blogging. Welcome him with a visit and a comment if you so choose.

The Rambling Cowpoke

cowboys (and girls)

So, a couple of weeks ago we had family pictures, an adventure in itself! The kids were priceless, especially Carleigh. She threw up her guns spontaneously in this shot of her with her brothers. We about fell over! But it was perfect! Go 'pokes!




It has been a LONG time since we have even attempted to get all of us in a picture together! My sweet amazing photographer friend Amanda did these for us. I love the way they turned out...they capture the spirit of or family completely! One thing I love about Amanda's work is that we have a similar style. I knew she would capture what I see everyday of my life with my amazing husband and five precious little people. Anyway, these are a few of my favorites!

I'm an auntie!

This is my new nephew, Drake Richard! Isn't he the sweetest? I have five of my own, but this is my first niece/nephew, and I am super excited! My boys are thrilled to have a new little buddy, too. Oh, I love babies! The first shot is my sister Mary and her husband Nate. They are an amazing couple, and two of my dearest friends.

Hairy Adventures

I love hair. I have always liked playing with little girls' hair and styling my own (when I had the time! HA!) I have four younger sisters who were always patient enough to let me experiment on them, and it was SO much fun! We made some funky styles for sure!

Now that I have little girls of my own, I must say that I have put hairstyling low on the list. Hairstyles these days has been simply a couple of piggies or a barette to sweep the hair out of the face (or to keep snot and boogers out of it.) Well, I'm finally bored with it all and have started getting creative again! Oh, I have missed this art! I usually come up with my own styles, but I found this one (mine is a little different) online and just loved it. It's called a tiara, and you can see why. Here's Carleigh showing it off right!

And a close-up.

Just a fun shot because I think she's so beautiful!

booger

no, i do not want to see it.

i don't want to see how BIG it is.

and i definitely do not want you to put it in my mouth!

bella has discovered how to pick her nose (and those of others if they don't see her coming.) oh the joy!

it's all over

Folks, there is a REASON we finish college right out of high school! The older you get, the harder it is to learn and retain information. Then there are the life factors (getting married, working, having kids) that put additional strain on one's ability to be a success in college. This week, I took two exams, a quiz, wrote a paper, participated in an online discussion and completed four assignments. Did I stress that...THIS WEEK!? My brain is about to ooze out my ears. Seriously. I have another exam this Thursday, and have to keep up in my other classes.

A lesson here? Definitely...I started this venture for many reasons. The first...I have been convicted to create margin for my family. Thanks, Craig. Second...I want to be an example to my children, showing them that I value an education and hard work and that I finish what I start. They are young now, but I pray that one day they do see these things and never take for granted the time they have when they are young.

On a side note...I took a test today that was totally stressing me. I have had facts and dates running through my head for a week now getting ready for this thing. I started the test feeling I wasn't totally prepared, but I breezed through...and got 100% of the answers correct (50 questions)! I was totally flipping out, thinking there must be some mistake. But it wasn't...I aced it. I was yelling and jumping up and down, and my boys thought I was totally INsane! But they hugged me and shared my excitement! It was AH-MAZING!

sweet gifts

I got an amazing one tonight.

It's been a hard week to say the least. I have been studying every spare minute I could (and even some I shouldn't have.) Three exams, a paper and a handful of assignments all this week. My head is spinning, and my attitude is well....just sucky. More than once, I have jumped all over the kids for teeny weeny little things. I am tired and irritable. I keep asking myself why on earth I think I can pull this school thing off. :) You can do it, my Two reminds me. And then, You can do it, my One whispers. And so I press onward.

So today, everything came to a head, and I thought I had completely lost my mind. Got one of my tests out of the way today and feel I did well. Sigh. Turned in a few assignments. Went to my night class. I've almost made it.

I come home to a nearly dark house. Everyone is in bed and nearly everyone is asleep. My oldest greets me in the kitchen (he is supposed to be asleep) to show me the amazing weather station he made at his scout meeting earlier in the evening. I hug him and gently push him in the direction of his room, promisng to come pray with him (again) in a minute. I put away the milk and bread I stopped for on my way home and make good on my promise. We pray and then chat some...he tells me about his day and the things that were most important to him. I ask him about the things that are important to me. I kiss him lightly on the cheek, hug him and tell him goodnight. But as I stand up to leave the room, he asks me to kiss him on the lips. He does this a lot. I always do, but tonight, I just had to ask why. And this is what I got...

When you kiss my lips, I can save it until morning. See, I wipe it right here on my pillow by my head and when I wake up, I can have it again and keep it with me for the rest of the day.

I gave him an extra hug and kiss for that. What a way to end the day!

PS...my Two is my husband and my One is my Jesus.

52

that is the number of times i heard the nice man in front of us blurt out one of three very nice expletives on Saturday at the OSU-Houston game. i SO wanted to wash his mouth out with soap...or blow snot on him (since my allergies were on a rampage the second we stepped out of our car in Stilly.) i think the latter would have been more fun. oh...yeah...the point. well, i (naturally being better than him), was totally passing judgment. yes, please cuss...it couldn't possibly make you any more attractive than the dirty shirt you're wearing. sheesh...if he thought he was going to impress the totally hot girls in front of him, then i am WAY out of touch with what is attractive. okay, so now that you all think i'm totally mean...

i picked my 6-year-old up to take him to his scout meeting a little while ago, and on the way, i got cut off by a really bad (but probably very nice) driver. before my brain even caught up with my mouth, i heard it. learn to drive, dumba**! umm...what? where did that even come from? i make it a point to never say a word i wouldn't allow my child to repeat. (well, unless i am fired up and i can't get my point across without it! heh.) but seriously folks. dumba**?? couldn't i have at least made it count and dropped an f-bomb!? no...i picked that one. questions ensued, of course. i apologized and promised to never say it again. not good enough. i will likely face punishment later.

so...to foul-mouthed dirty shirt man...i am sorry i judged you so harshly (because i KNOW you are reading along). one expletive is as bad as 52.

butt kickin'

i'm totally prepared for one this week. i have a test, a quiz, and a paper due. that's on top of my usual homework. *puke*

the drive home

Each week, I have two days where I am alone in my car for an hour and fifteen minutes. In mommy time, this is an eternity! Of course, you can't do much besides drive and think. 45 minutes of the drive is made TO school at the OSU-OKC campus. Typically, just before the drive, I have been scurrying around the house getting things in order for Chris or the babysitter, whomever will be caring for the little people when I leave. I am usually frazzled by the time I get into the car. I am worried about whether or not I will have a quiz over the periodic table or metric conversions (flash card images run through my mind)...and whether or not I will make it to class on time. I worry about the kids, and what terror they might inflict upon the sitter. I worry about Chris and if he will be in the frame of mind to handle dinner, bath and bedtime alone.

Then I hit traffic, and I become even more frazzled. I typically have the radio blaring to drown out my goofy thoughts, but once I hit traffic, I am forced to turn it down or completely off. I can't concentrate otherwise. I am the only one in the car, and even with the radio off, it is difficult for me to "hear". I continue on, the traffic only becoming heavier as I reach my destination (it is at it's thickest right at the school).

I curse at other drivers.

Merge already!

Feel free to use a turn signal!

Of course, this is all done in my mind for fear that if I do it out loud, one of them might hear me and try to run me off the road. right. It sounds so much less lame in my brain.

As I sink into my seat in class, I am worn out.

I make it through class and do well at what I feared I wouldn't. I am getting this stuff. I leave feeling triumphant. The last couple of class sessions, the weather has been so pleasant, so I walk slowly to my car while enjoying the hint of fall weather all around. Sometimes, I am lucky enough to enjoy stimulating conversation with a classmate along the way.

I start the car and pause for a few moments before pulling out of my parking space. The radio is off from the drive before, but there is no other noise this time. It is quiet. My thoughts are no longer screaming through my head. I realize that there is peace all around me, and I can finally "hear." There is only the sound of my engine revving as I accelerate or the thud of my brake pedal as I press it down to the floor. The entire drive home is this way. It is only 30 minutes or so, but it is the sweetest part of my day. I spend the entire drive lost in sweet conversation with my Jesus. I actually hear him, and I am so free in listening. It's like chatting with an old friend...I can tell him anything, and he understands.

It was just tonight that I realized this pattern I have created, and it completely signifies the rhythm of my life. When I try to be in control, I am frazzled and worried. When I let go, true peace sinks into me, and I can truly be with my God the way he intends for me to be.

big hairy fits defined

large-sized anxiety-causing sudden outbursts of emotion

uhhh...can anyone say TWO-YEAR-OLD!?

jesus and chocolate

What is it about chocolate that makes you have to eat it until it's gone? If it is in my house, I will eat it...and not in moderation, mind you. I just can't get enough. And did I mention how incredibly happy it makes me?

Hmmm...could this possibly be the reason I bounce back and forth between the same 5 pound weight loss or gain? Another discussion perhaps.

All this happy choco binging reminds me of a time not so long ago that I binged on something else that made me deliriously happy...God's word. I couldn't get enough of it. I was constantly hungry for more. I read and read and read and read. I memorized powerful verses that I knew would help me fend off any spiritual attacks and I was excited to share with anyone who would listen...especially my kids! My excitement for what I learned was contagious, and in them grew a desire to know more, too! It was AWESOME. Even when life placed irritating pebbles in my shoe, I felt His presence and knew it was as it should be. So, what happened? I just don't know. What an incredibly complicated answer, right? I do not know why I no longer devour the word of our Lord as if I were starving. It must have happened slowly, as I don't recall an abrupt halt. My fire is still burning (or rather, flickering), and I crave God's word...but I am not starving for it any longer. How do I get back to that place? I want to be there again.

Hmmmm...oh, how I wish I were wiser and had more of the answers already.

chores vs. children

But I don't want to...


I hear this phrase often from my little people, upon being annoyed that I even asked and usually in response to a request to make a bed, to pick up shoes cast in the middle of the living room floor, or to pick up a wet towel from the bathroom floor. Seems there is always something far more important to do...somehow, even picking the lint from between their toes ranks above cleaning up after themselves.


If they'd just do it in the first place, I wouldn't have to ask.


I don't understand. Even as a child I was a fairly neat kid. I got the occasional request to clean my room, but I actually enjoyed it. I loved organizing my things, right down to my stuffed animals. I would change up how they were organized, sometimes alphabetical by name, sometimes by color. It didn't matter. I always knew where everything was and where it went. Definitely not a toss it all under the bed kind of kid.


Why can I not teach neatness to my offspring??? They are, after all, my flesh. There should be some of my obsessive compulsiveness within them, right? But alas, I have one child who is eager to help and does whatever is asked, two whose room could wreak of rancid wet towels for a week without them asking about the stink, one who is rapidly developing the art of creating living spaces similar to the after effects of a natural disaster, and one whose work habits are yet to be revealed. My home is definitely not the vision of lovliness I dreamed it would be many years ago before I had children. For me, order means peace. When my home is in order, I am at peace. My home is never in order.


Seriously, am I ever at peace? I mean really at peace? What does that even mean? I constantly seek peace, but what does that look like? Is peace really having a well kept home and clean well-behaved kids all the time? A lovely vision, no doubt, but definitely not real peace. I'm sure that this elusive concept is different for everyone, but for me, being at peace means letting go of the little things that do not deserve my attention...that means the bitterness at having to pick up just one more thing off the floor, the worry that someone might see how messy my car is on the inside, the guilt I feel for telling my child just a minute when asked to play. Would I lay down my life to have an immaculate home? Uh, nope. Would I die on a hill for my child's eternal life? YES, YES, YES!!! Sheesh, a no brainer.

the fine art of napping

***update***9.4.08 Bella napped yesterday and today...and went down pretty easily, too! BONUS!

Um, yeah. Napping? Whatever happened to two-year-olds who nap? I have one of those...you know, two-year-olds. She's great...really. But not when she misses her nap. You see, I believe there is an art in napping, especially in a napping two-year-old. It's not so much that it's an art for her...but for me. It's an amazing event. She goes down for her nap, and there is a never-ending silence in the house. It is one only experienced during nap time. Truly beautiful if you have never experienced it. We have had the pleasure of witnessing artful napping for a couple of years now (would make sense given that our two-year-old is, well, a couple of years old). But in the past couple of weeks, that nap has become rather elusive. I so took for granted it's beauty before. Now, however, I NEED for that glorious wonder to return so that I can STUDY. Forget getting the laundry done anymore. Oh please, oh please, nappy return to me.

start with me

Earlier this week, my oldest son was pouring himself a glass of apple juice. The fact that he pours himself ANYTHING is a magnificent event in my home, as he is one of only two who can get his own drink! A definite reason to celebrate! He has done this many times before, but I marvel at it each time. As I was watching him, he glanced up at me and flashed me a big grin. He loves to please me, and he knows his self-sufficience does. His shift in focus caused him to miss th glass and pour the juice all over the kitchen counter. It proceeded to spread quickly across the surface, over the edge and began spilling over the cabinets and onto the tile floor. I flipped OUT! I completely lost it. I can't even remember exactly what it was that I shouted at him, but it reduced him immediately to tears and he ran to his room sobbing. I angrily began to clean up the mess, muttering about how I have to everything around here and cursing about things not ever staying clean for longer than five minutes (I had mopped the floor only half an hour prior). I could hear myself...but had not idea who it was talking. I can't even call it talking...it was really a bunch of inaudible phrases coming out as spit. Before I was finished cleaning up the mess, I was in tears. I was so ashamed of the way I had reacted toward my sweet kid. It was an accident, and he was loving on me in that moment it happened. How could I have hurt him so?

This incident perpetuated a lot of soul searching. It isn't an uncommon occurrence lately. I am agitated easily and my unsuspecting offspring are usually on the receiving end of the rampage. After I had calmed down and prayed to my Jesus who oh so undeservedly forgives me, I found my hurting boy and wrapped him in the biggest hug I could give him. I made no excuses...there were none anyway. I'm sorry, I told him. He looked up at me after a couple of minutes. His eyes were still tear-filled, and it broke me. I will always forgive you, mom. I love you. Again with the undeserving forgiveness. His hug squished the breath out of me it was so tight. Who am I that I deserve this love?

I am a mommy. God made ME a mommy. He blessed me with five wonderfully made kiddos...He wants ME to teach them, to nurture them, to love them. But I don't know how, I often find myself telling him. His reply is always the same. I know, but I do. So, there it is. When my younglings are pushing me to the limit, it isn't THEM. It is me. It is my heart that shows true...all my impatience, my selfishness. That is what I teach them when I do not act as He has called me to act.

Lord, may I shine your light into the hearts of my children. May their paths be blessed because you trusted me to lead the way.

I have these little girls...amazing creatures they are. Not that my boys aren't amazing, but they are boys...old enough to not need to capture my attention with their boy-ness. But my girls...there's just something about them that melts me. Whatever the charm is can make me forget about any trouble or trial I might be facing. It's like therapy. It might only be a smile as big as the world from Bella; an "I love you" for no reason at all from my mini me Carleigh; or the beautiful eyes of Bri that let me know just how much she adores me. To them, I am something really great...and the sweet moments I get to witness daily from them make me feel as if I am everything they believe I am. God has gently nudged me for months now to slow down and drink in the little moments like these. At first, I was defiant...not deliberately so, but disobedient all the same. He showed me little by little what I have been missing by being so caught up in the J-O-B of motherhood that I was missing the blessing that motherhood truly is. As a result of my new journey, I embrace the quirks that once upset my routine...and it has given me great determination to capture some of the sweet memories I am making by camera. So...here are my girls.

This is Bri. I took a series of pictures of her as she was drifting off to sleep in the swing. This was the final one. Her little lips were moving in a sucking motion...made me want to pick her up and just squeeze her!

Bella...what do you say about a Bella? She's the coolest almost-two-year-old I know. This was her...just waking up for the day and being so sweet. She likes to play with me before she gets out of her bed everyday. I used to not take the time...I would just leave her in her bed until she was ready to get out. But now, I play. We had just played peek-a-boo with her blanket that she has to have (along with her thumb in her mouth) before she can go to sleep. She even thanks me when I give it to her! Peek-a-boo is her favorite game to play in the morning...and we have lovingly nicknamed her "Boo" as a result. I'm not sure we even call her Bella at home anymore. Even the other kids have started calling her Boo.

This is my first "Sweet Pea" Carleigh, for whom I named my photography business. Of course, there I am...can you see the resemblance? HA! Carleigh is spunky for sure. My word to describe her is sparkly. But only if it said the way she says it..."Spark-a-lee"! She likes all things sparkly...but sparkly to her can be a beautiful new haircut, which is what she thought of my new cut a few weeks back. Her response..."I want that, too!" So, I gave it to her. She doesn't know this, but if this was how she asked me, I would give her anything in the world. Carleigh challenges me in ways I never thought I would be. But at the core of all that mischief is a girl who asks me every night to sing Baby Mine to her. There was a period I didn't have time. Now, I dare not refuse her. The day just isn't complete without that song. I imagine one day she will sing that to her own sweet baby girl.

How rich am I?